A brief foray into failure

I feel very, very inadequate today.

Like maybe I need to start looking for a new job. . .where the learning curve isn't as steep, where I don't have to work late every night, where I'm not stressed.

I am fooling myself to think that I can do this kind of work, I've never worked well under pressure or when I have to juggle several projects at once.

Maybe I should quit.

Throughout my whole working career I've never been anything more than an assistant or entry level. There could be a reason for that, either I run away when the going gets tough or I'm just not cut out to be the next level up.

Also it could be that I place unrealistic expectations on myself (I'm sensing a theme here) so that I can't ever go beyond the bottom of the totem pole. I work myself into a tizzy and then don't actually accomplish anything. There is a new assistant here and I think I'm jealous. She doesn't know this world, but for some reason I feel like they trust her more than me. I'm being ridiculous I know, at the heart of it all I feel like I'm competing and I know that's not the case. It's just so hard to let some things go when I've had control over them for the past year.

I thought I've tried hard at my job, mostly proud of the work I turned in, but now I feel like a failure everyday. Perhaps I should stop wallowing in the dumps, pull myself up by the boot straps and continue to love what I do at the end of the day.



Also, I really hate my car.